Alex Rodriguez’s PED Apology

Spring training has sprung, and as pitchers and catchers get reacquainted, the Bronx Bombers will adjust to life without golden boy Derek Jeter, and brace themselves for the return of their prodigal PED using son, Alex Rodriguez.

After hearing more apologies than a philandering public servant, the Yankees should just file for divorce, pay the beleaguered big leaguer his 61 million mea culpa salary, and be done with their dysfunctional marriage.

But for me, this isn’t only about his dalliance with performance enhancing drugs. My disdain for Rodriguez dates back long before his Biogenesis days were revealed. His defining duplicitous moment was during the 2004 ALCS when, in desperation to safely reach first base, he slapped the ball out of Boston pitcher, Bronson Arroyo’s glove. It was a major league pussy move; much like the letter he recently wrote asking his fans for forgiveness.

I’m all for giving a professional athlete a second chance. But when someone lies for a living, threatens a relative by peeing on their rug, and parades around town like their shit doesn’t stink, it’s time to pull the plug on their sorry ass career.

Besides, I have more important issues to be concerned about going into this baseball season than wasting my time on repugnant ballplayers. Like, will my beloved New York Mets finally be amazin’ this year and make it to the playoffs with their defensively challenged infield? I believe they will, and they’ll do it without the aid of a syringe, some pills, or a dab of cream.

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